Oh Guatemala There are no words to describe just how wonderful Guatemala was. But the following is my humble attempt to capture just how God showed up every day, in every possible way. I went with a group called AIM, Adventures in Missions. I have nothing but good things to say about this organization. I was really excited to learn just how well the money was used; even the permanent staff at this organization has to raise about half of their salary. This means that almost every penny of your support went towards my trip. My trip began in Gainesville Georgia, about an hour away from Atlanta. There I met up with my team, and began the training process with about 7 other teams going to other locations. At training camp we did a lot of team building things, we did some cultural exercises, there was some time to plan any children’s activities that might arise, we learned a drama, and they also focused on us listening to God’s voice, along with leaving all of our spiritual and emotional junk behind. This lasted 4 days, and then Monday morning, at 2:30am we left for the airport to go to Guatemala. My team consisted of 2 girl leaders, 1 guy leader, 8 girls, and 1 boy. The team was so great, and everybody worked together so well. We called ourselves family, but that’s exactly what we were, we had our issues, but it wasn’t anything major, and we would get over it quickly. 2 of the other teens reminded me so much of my siblings, which I thought was hilarious. One of the girls was nearly fluent in Spanish, which was a big blessing since I was the next best with my 3 years of Spanish class, which wasn’t going to get us far, although I understood most of the Spanish parts of everything. God was clearly in the middle of everything, and allowed us to get really close as someone shared a testimony almost every night of the trip. It also wasn’t uncommon to see two people apart from the group talking about God, and encouraging each other to further their relationship with God. Our contact, Antonio, picked us up from the airport and drove us for 5 hours through the mountains into San Pedro. Antonio was amazing. He had begun a church in San Pedro, in Spanish; it is still very successful with a radio station attached and everything. But Antonio knew that God had more in store for him. So he moved his ministry to San Pablo, where only about 10% of the people knew Spanish. Therefore he began his new church as the first church in San Pablo that had services primarily in Tz’utujil, the local Mayan dialect. No one really knew what to expect, there were a few things we thought we might do, and we were told hostel type living. But we quickly learned that the pastor, Antonio was going to be running the show. For three weeks we woke up, and at breakfast our mission was revealed to us by Antonio who knew about 3 phrases in English. We stayed in San Pedro La Laguna, which was a very touristy place for hippies and backpackers, so every day we would jump in a truck and drive for a half hour into San Pedro, across the lake. Mostly all they wanted us to do was to pray with them. Every day we went into their houses and prayed the most powerful prayers for these people. After the first day we stopped popcorn prayer, and just all prayed at once, and the Holy Spirit was so strong moving through us in those houses every day. On our very last day praying with these people, we were exhausted, ill, and homesick. Our first house we met a girl who had broken her foot, and they had no money to pay for medical treatment. We were told specifically by our leaders that we were there to pray, and could offer no other help. And with this in mind we prayed even harder, for 30 minutes we just prayed for a miracle. We left knowing that God was in control, and in the peace that a medical team was coming a few days after us. At the next house we went to, they believed in the witch, but were willing for us to pray for them, and the Holy Spirit followed us in, and we prayed for their specific prayer requests, asking for the Holy Spirit to be in their house, and for their children to know God. We prayed so hard for those things. Upon leaving that house, their mother-in-law was standing there, and verbally assaulted the pastor, and called us “Bulls” and told us to never pray for them again. We stood there for a moment just praising God that the people know just how powerful he is, and that God really was working through us. The last house that day we walked in expecting to pray some generic prayer, but in this house, they picked up a baby who looked to be a few days old, and placed him in my arms. They told us that he had been born at 10 that morning. Standing there we realized that this was the miracle that we had prayed for the first house. And our group had the privilege to pray truth over this new-born baby, and pray that he would turn to God as he grew older. Another day we had a chance to visit the witch of San Pablo, it was so sad. We got there and he asked us to pray for his family that they would find God, and find happiness in God, but for him it was too late. We tried as hard as we could through double translation to tell him that God makes all things new, and prayed hard. In that room the prayers went from practically whispers, and turned into yelling and crying out to God on behalf of this witch. There were other days where we conducted a children’s thing that only slightly resembles VBS. Those children were gifts from God. We loved on them, and because we were there for three weeks, we had relationships with them. They got so comfortable with us that some of the little boys just attacked me over and over. They laughed so hard in that time and I couldn’t stop smiling. On one occasion we actually saw the world vision school, and the logo was everywhere. Then another day I got to talk to some kids, who were walking around with their world vision school book, and I asked them some questions about their sponsors, and their faces just lit up and got so excited to tell me about their sponsors. We participated in both the Thursday and Sunday services, we sang in English, and performed our Drama which shows creation, the fall, and then Jesus’ redemption through his death and resurrection. It was very well received. Other times we were invited to sing in English for Antonio’s radio show which broadcasted us to 26 towns around Lake Atitlan. We were blessed richly to stay in a hotel with hot water in 2 rooms, with a breath taking view every single day. The hotel owners are Christians, and put their heart and soul into treating us well. That said, there were also some bizarre practices, such as putting everyone’s pillow on the roof one day, I guess to air them out? Occasionally we would come back to clean shoes, or even fixing some of our stuff. We had a water cooler that was a little janky because it had specks of unidentifiable stuff floating in it, and towards the end of the trip we realized that it was just getting filled up from some source on the roof, but no one really got badly sick. That was one of our other huge blessings; illness was never very severe, just inconvenient. The most severe injury consisted of someone’s finger getting nearly sliced off by a machete, the machetes that we were given to pull weeds… I learned a lot, and changed so much just from being in a community like that and serving in those ways, and I know there is so much stuff that I don’t realize has changed yet. But I can tell you that God changed my heart a lot, and my attitude about a lot of things. He gave me the ability to let my past be my past, and not let it define me. I saw such a great picture of what it looks like to be set apart as a Christian – in Guatemala it was clear that we were gringos, and we clearly did not belong, and it should be the same way when I am anywhere, that God must be so evident in my life that I am set apart. God has also put on my heart another trip by AIM, it consists of going to 11 countries in 11 months. It’s called The Great Race. But that won’t be for a while since it’s for ages 21-35. However even in this desire, I’m not as stressed about my future because I know that God has a plan for it, and my life is safe in his hands. Thank you so much for supporting me, by your donations, and by your prayers. In Guatemala we were really able to encourage the Christians there and to bring the presence of the Holy Spirit into these houses. It was a beautiful experience. It felt like home, and I will be surprised if I don’t end up back there later in my life for a mission, vacation, or Spanish school.
Well, it’s been a year. Nothing much to report about. It’s been a process of medicines that work, and don’t. Side effects that kill. I’ve done a lot of running to nowhere, not really thinking about life, just doing it. And then there are those moments where I hear a whisper from God, and I go with it. And now I’m going to Guatemala this summer on a missions trip. And somewhere in the jumble, I lost my ability to write, so I finally got smart, and decided to pray about it, and here I am on my long forsaken blog.
I haven’t been to my bible study in 3 weeks, youth group in 4. My excuse usually is homework, or sleep deprived. While both are true, I’m realizing that those aren’t the real reasons why my attendance is lacking. It clicked on the way home from work, as I was about to skip youth group, again, that I’ve had a longing for home. It’s strange because I usually want to be out doing other stuff, cooler stuff, but now, I just want to be home. But even when I am home, I realize that still I am not satisfied, because I again want to be out in the world anywhere away from here. Today I realized that I am aching for my heavenly home. And while it’s frustrating that I can’t do anything to make it come any faster, I know that it is as it should be.
I’m not in the mindset to write some beautiful deep thought, enter the bullet system:
- I now am a licensed driver
- I am well aware that I haven’t updated my blog in 3 or so months, I haven’t forgotten, I just haven’t felt like I have anything worthwhile to say.
- My room is a mess because of my never ending art project (that ends on October 15th)
- My said art project involves 30 different pieces and cork.
- I have a pet hermit crab, his name is Russ, and he has escaped from his box twice, at my grandmother’s house. She got him a real cage and he is much happier. He cheers me up often.
- I worked out in a gymnastics gym for an hour and fifteen minutes. While doing that I drank a liter of water. I need to get in shape.
- I am now in the middle of 4 different pieces, I have completed 12 +/- 2 (sometimes my art teacher is picky)
- I have two jobs. One as a piano teacher. One as a preschool gymnastics teacher. I get paid almost 4 times more per hour as a piano teacher, but I need the gymnastics for experience/resume/practicing on nice equipment.
- I sleep with four stuffed animals – George the monkey, Franklin the turtle, Will the bear, and Julius the Tiger.
- My new favorite Websites are www.postsecret.com and twloha.fancorps.com
- I don’t mind precalc or physics, its Spanish 3 that’s killing me.
- I carry toy dinosaurs around in my backpack
- My parents are talking about me.
- I’ve become a somewhat regular at the nail salon by walmart
- I’m still working on getting better at skateboarding, which is a very long process
- Not doing the laundry during the week is the price I pay to be able to do art during that time.
- Teaching preschool gymnastics is the most draining thing I have ever done in my lifetime.
- I’m going to end at number 18 since after a whole week of school my brain is dead.
Today I successfully completed number 19 on my bucket list: “Paint my Dog’s toenails”. I needed something to do today, so I decided to do that. My dog, Sally, wasn’t the most cooperative, but I got the job done. Now she has lovely red-painted nails. I have photo documentation for your enjoyment.
I just got back from that camp called Outback. It was anything but your ordinary camp experience. We had to do the low ropes course, but all 6 of us had to be on the same element at a time. Later we had to find all of our camping gear based on a topography map like this one.
This camp was pretty low-key, and we even took a day of rest. I haven’t specifically chosen to take a day of rest in a long time, mostly because I have been scared of taking that day to let myself think. But I’ve realized that sometimes it’s okay to find that “nothing box”.
We camped out all but one night, using a tarp, a string, and some stakes. It wasn’t very comfortable, and got really cold some nights, but it was neat to realize how little we actually need to be okay. In the same way, we carried all of our belongings on our backs everywhere we went. It was neat to be able to realize that this is how Jesus and his disciples traveled all over the place, except they didn’t have lightweight slumberjacks that can be compressed. They didn’t have these backpacks with hip straps to take most of the weight off. They might have had a change of clothes and a mat, and that’s it. That brought me to a place of awe, and it inspired me to want to dig even deeper into the bible to discover these interesting things that can be applied to our everyday lives.
I loved the community we had going. We supported each other in everything. We loved greatly, and gave advice based on our own experiences. None of us was perfect, we all had our share of screw ups and that was the beautiful thing of it all.
On the last day, the counselors left us with a compass and the same topography map as before. We had our stuff, and were to meet them at the designated spot, by 5 o’clock, on our own. The three of us began our journey, we were lost a few times, and that was really scary. Being lost to the point where you can’t find your way back is one of my greatest fears, but we never got that lost, and found our way back. We arrived at 4:45, it was difficult. Had I been on my own I might have stopped and given up. But there were three of us, and we built each other up and encouraged each other to keep going. I love the metaphor of how the body of Christ is supposed to be just like this. The body of Christ is there to build you up when you just want to give up. They tell you to keep going when you’re about to quit. It reminds you why you want to keep going when you have lost sight of all that’s important.
This week we learned to be the body of christ. And it was a beautiful thing. I truly have missed that aspect the most since being home. It just isn’t the same.
One of the things that I really took to heart was to give yourself grace. When we were hiking, if someone needed to stop, we took a break. If one of us needed help, we gave them help. I hate giving myself grace, I have a fear that if I give myself grace, then I will never live up to my potential. But here I found that you don’t have to keep going, you can take a moment, take a day to simply rest. And giving yourself that kind of rest is a good thing. Here are some of my pictures from the last day for your enjoyment.
.
-
- Our View on the last day
-
- The whole group (minus the one taking the picture)
Well, tomorrow I’m off to a new adventure, to the springs. I only have one week there, at a newer program called outback. We’ll camp and hike all over the property, and do activities, what they are I have no clue, but that they will be fun. It’s goal is to have us living in community, seeking to glorifying God in everything we do, and I’m really excited to see what that looks like there. I’m all packed, and ready to go, hoping that I won’t forget anything important, but I have clean underwear and socks, so I should be fine 
I am about to throw my cell phone out the window. It is driving me crazy! But for me it’s not the phone, the phone itself is absolutely fine, I don’t even want an iphone anymore, or any other phone because I’m content with that part. The problem is that people expect it to be attached to me at any moment of the day, including my parents. If I don’t answer or respond right away, or fairly quickly, they will be annoyed. Or worse if I just let it sit I’ll forget to respond, and then they’re even more irritated. And I’m a people pleaser, so neither of those is a solution.
I almost envy one of my friends who sometimes just leaves her phone and goes on a trip. Often the texts I send won’t get responded to. But I love that we have this understanding that she reads everything eventually. Sometimes they won’t get responded to on time, but somehow it’s okay.
I think I need to be more like this friend, and stop letting my cell phone be such a leash. Use it less. I’ve already started this process by almost entirely turning off Facebook texts, which has already made my life so much more peaceful. Here I am at an age where we can be contacted instantly, and yet I prefer my letters via snail mail.
One last almost deep thought for tonight: I’ve realized in these last few weeks that Facebook is going down. It’s going to be like MySpace very soon, leaving all that time I spent on there wasted. So whatever the next social thing is, I hope I don’t waste the same time on it. I’m realizing that it can’t possibly be worth it.
Well, my teachers were really gracious about my whole sabbatical, and as a result I ended school on Friday, while everyone else finishes next Thursday. Since I didn’t have anywhere I needed to be, my mom took me to the beach, where my grandparents live. I can’t say that it is very relaxing, just because my grandmother must be allergic to sitting still for a moment (although through the years she seems to tolerate it better). Yesterday we went to the boardwalk art show, which I greatly enjoyed – both looking at the pieces (minus the photography since I have to say that I’m biased against it, sorry Christina, but that’s the way it is), and then asking really intelligent questions about their art work, and finding out really neat answers about their art.I throughly enjoyed it, and then promptly collapsed in bad.
My summer plans got changed, I’m not going to be a camp counselor, I just need to figure out what I plan to do this summer. My first thought was to get a job, but I don’t think that’s going to work out, so I think I’m going to go to several art museums in the area, I’ll keep teaching some piano lessons, and I think I’ll do a lot of trips to DC, and maybe some to Baltimore, I’ll see, but I don’t plan to stay in my neighborhood all summer.
A few days ago I was thinking about how much my sophomore year sucked, I mean I went to a mental hospital, but looking back, I’ve realized that I didn’t waste it. I made awesome friends, I made money at a job I love, I have fantastic grades, I helped with the kindergarten sunday school. I have all these fantastic things to show for it all, and that amazes me so much, and for that I am grateful.
I’m not even going to try to explain any of what is to come, just know that I am better now. If you want to discuss this feel free to call or email me.
Walking into Dominion Hospital, I saw Brokenness- brokenness so bad that people just didn’t care, to the point that everyone was shamelessly honest about everything. We wore the same clothes for days in a row, including the nasty grey and blue hospital socks. Every time a new person came, our stories were repeated: Depression, Anxiety, Cutting, Suicide attempts, addiction, pain, and abuse. There we were all bonded in brokenness. It was a little like the mafia, we all knew too much about the other for our secrets to ever get out of that hospital.
I talk about the brokenness I saw, but even more I was broken. I was there too, for a suicide attempt. I had been severely depressed, with no hope of getting better, which drove me to such a despite place that I didn’t care if I went to hell, I wanted to die. When I was at dominion, I met the bravest girls I probably will ever meet. They were facing challenges so much harder than mine. They were facing things that weren’t even their fault, especially abuse. On the days when I didn’t want to wake up, I saw them getting out, trudging down the halls knowing the challenges they would have to face. For that I admire them so very much. Because of that I kept going in my treatment, through the frustration of changing medicines, and watching others come and go as I stayed for a total of 2 weeks and 2 days.
In my conversations with several girls, I found this deep knowledge of things they shouldn’t have to know about, like the pain of being forced to have sex, the pain of seeing a parent who had committed suicide, the pain of medicines doing nothing, or the pain feeling unloved and unwanted. These girls were all mature beyond their years, and had a certain kind of beauty within them. Not a slutty beauty, but this beauty of having a soul inside them that through the pain they were willing to keep going, and get help, as several were there voluntarily.
While Dominion Hospital was full of pain, and hurt, it also had healing. The transformation was remarkable from when a girl arrived, to when she left. Apparently I was the same way, but I have no way to know the difference. As the days got closer to discharge, the smiles, hope and healing all increased. I found the most beautiful girls locked up in this prison of a hospital, they all had stories of hurt and pain, but were soon to have a story of healing. For some healing was happening in front of them, but for others the unspoken knowledge was that it would be a while before healing was found – but nonetheless it would be found, and they had hope.
Well, today is Wednesday, Tomorrow is Thursday, and it is the day of the art show. I couldn’t be more excited for this day. Not only do I get out of classes all day (resulting in no homework due tomorrow, allowing me to blog), I also get to sit with my artwork, next to the most amazing artists at my school. I managed to get a booth behind in my opinion the most amazing artist in the school. So basically I get to spend a whole day surrounded by artwork. How cool could it get?
I keep writing about the IB diploma program, and I keep going back and forth about whether it’s the right thing for me. I know that it probably won’t matter in 10 years what kind of diploma I had, but now it seems more important than that. At the moment, after getting a lot of counsel from teachers, friends, adults, I think I’m going to stick with it, at least through next year. Mainly being because this program attracts people who are like me, who love to learn and to think and make connections they never thought were possible. It seems to be more learning for the sake of knowing than learning for the test, which is definitely more me. That said, I reserve the right to change my mind – multiple times, but whatever, at least I can know that God knows what he’s doing.
That’s actually so good that God’s in charge, and it’s good to know that and remember that when I’m stressing myself out over these very momentary issues. Because even though I can’t figure it out, or get it together, he knows that, and through that weakness, I find strength knowing that he has it all figured out, and he HOLDS it all together. So good.
I really enjoy spring. I love that the weather is so different from day-to-day (okay so it’s annoying at times, but I like waking up to a surprise), some days it’s raining, which I love, other days like today it’s that kind of cool where you are comfortable in a hoodie. My favorite part is when I look into the sky and see beautiful clouds painted by God. Yes, I’m convinced that God is a painter, and he paints a brand new sky for us to love every day, to marvel at, and to find inspiration from. God is good, is he not?
I was looking at some quotes that I have taped to my wall, trying to find one that remotely fits the theme of what I’ve written, and I like this one:
“We’re at home when we live in each present moment. Because that is the moment we’re in. When we try to live in the moment that just happened or the moment that is about to happen, we try and go where we’re not meant to be anymore, or where we’re not meant to be yet. When we are able to live completely present, to live in each moment, we find we’re comfortable in our own skin, because we are home. We are exactly where we’re supposed to be in time.” -SR
I don’t really know who this SR guy is, but he obviously has so insightful words of wisdom.
